Guest post by Toni Cordell

I was beyond uncomfortable realizing I was becoming so sneaky. It had become necessary to pre-think and/or out-think my husband, whose mind was being taken over by the horrors of Alzheimer’s. He had a doctorate in ministry and had successfully served several churches as pastor during his career, so there was no question his intelligence and education far outclassed mine. 

At one point, it became necessary for me to speak to our current pastor and sadly share, “I am lying to my husband, and I hate it. But what can I do?” 

I used the example that my beloved came into the kitchen and asked where the knobs from the front of the stove were.

So, I told my husband they were dirty and needed to be washed. Well, knobs are always dirty. I had washed them. However, I then hid them in a bottom draw under other utensils. 

Tears welled up as I looked to our seminary-trained minister to help me know how to cope with the fact I was not honest with my husband. I called my remarks “false- truths.” And it haunted me. 

Thank God, the pastor instructed me in a way I could accept the need for my false-truths. He told me, “It is not a lie. You are giving your husband the information he needs to understand the new surroundings he lives in.”

My heart taught me that I did not resent serving my husband’s needs. And that helped. I was able to forgive myself. 

Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.
Luke 7:47 NKJV

Toni Cordell was born in San Francisco and graduated from high school reading at the 5th grade level. Yet she was a successful documentary and news cinematographer/editor in the 1970s, traveling to Kenya, India, and Central America on assignments. In that capacity, Toni interviewed a wide range of people, from Mother Theresa to an Alabama death-row inmate. Toni sees herself as an emerging writer and has self-published a children’s book, The Puppy on the Other Side of the Pond, as well as submitted stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 25 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, produces a newsletter for writers, and does freelance editing. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.