My caregiving season began with my mother’s return home after brain surgery and three months in a skilled nursing facility. Though fine cognitively, my dad had serious health problems himself and could do little to help. I was not at all confident we could adequately take care of Mom by ourselves.
I selfishly did not want to leave my husband and move in with my parents nor move them in with me. So, I prayed and began searching for sitters who could stay several hours a day to provide care when I couldn’t be there.
The first one we hired came via a newspaper ad. Big mistake! Though she claimed to be an experienced caregiver, she didn’t prove to be the mentally stable person I wanted staying with my parents. Back to the drawing board. I prayed some more and asked for recommendations through social media, churches, the library, and even a homeschool email loop. Slowly, I received inquiries for the position and hired help.
Over the course of four years, we had a number of sitters who became like family. They cooked, cleaned, and dispensed medication. They washed laundry, bathed Mom, and dropped Dad off at dialysis. I couldn’t have done without them—or at least I wouldn’t have wanted to.
I learned as I went and made plenty of mistakes, but had I not stepped out on faith, my caregiving days might well have broken me mentally and physically.
Reliable and competent help is available. Sometimes we just have to look for it.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2 KJV
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 24 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, produces a newsletter for writers, and does freelance editing. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
I think one of the hardest things we face as caregivers is asking for help. It may even be harder than finding the right help. Thanks for sharing this and the reminder that we don’t have to journey alone.
So true, Joan. We feel as if we need to do it all on our own and not bother anyone else.
My favorite way to find help is through friends who recommend someone who helped them. Those helpers then recommended people they know.
I agree, Diana. A recommendation like that is gold!
Hi Tracy,
This is a great post on how people can find caregivers while overseeing the daily care. It’s good to know there are opportunities out there to find responsible people to handle your loved ones.
Janis
It takes perseverance sometimes, but it’s so important to have help in long-term caregiving. Thanks for your comment, Janis!
In response to your blog “Help,” I take exception to the statement “I selfishly did not want to leave my husband and move in with my parents, nor move them in with me.” There is no “selfishly” about it! You made a wise decision and put boundaries in place based on what was best for your parents, you and your family. You acted wisely, not selfishly.
Thank you for the reassurance, Ann. Sometimes we caregivers feel selfish even when we’re not. And to tell the truth, my parents didn’t want to move either. Having paid sitters was a win-win for all.