I wound through narrow aisles packed with customers at the beauty supply shop. As I browsed hair products, an irritated voice on the next aisle made me cringe. Someone must need a nap.

When I walked toward the checkout counter, an elderly woman stood talking to someone, blocking my path. In no hurry, I waited for her to finish.

“Move out of her way, Mom!” Now I knew the origin of the snappy voice.

The older woman turned a sweet smile my way. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” She moved over as well as she could in the crowded space while her daughter glared at her. “It seems like I’m always in someone’s way.”

Squeezing past, I reassured her she was no bother, but my heart broke for her. If her daughter spoke to her that way in public, how did she treat her at home? Even if the sweet little mama had kept her daughter up all night, the cutting words seemed unwarranted.

I was blessed to have a good relationship with my mother, but we still went through tense moments. At times, I had to hold my tongue (though I wasn’t always successful), yet I never treated her the way this woman treated her mom.

While I understand that some don’t enjoy the same bond with their parents as I did (see “Oil and Water”), it still hurt to hear a child, no matter how old, show such disrespect to her parent. Even if the words are not particularly harsh, the tone can be. As I told my son many times when he was a teen, “It’s not so much what you say but how you say it.”

Stress over caregiving as well as past grievances can lead us to react in ways we might not otherwise. If critical words or sharp tones become the norm, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate. Is this how we would want our children to treat us? More importantly, is this how God wants us to treat our parents?

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise.
Ephesians 6:2 NIV

Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.