My ninety-six-year-old mother-in-law, Fairsee, had lived alone for more than forty years. Feisty and independent, she didn’t want to move in with us. And truth be told, it wasn’t on my bucket list either. I’d recently spent six years caring for my parents but managed to keep them in their own home or in assisted living. Now I would be stepping into that role again—only this time, in my home. But no matter how we looked at it, moving her in with us seemed the best option.
My husband, Stan, and I had been empty nesters for a decade, and incorporating a new person into our household presented challenges. Hoping to make Fairsee feel at home, we offered to let her use our living room as her own, and she happily settled in to watch television most of the time. Though we could both retreat to our office spaces to avoid the blaring TV, a trip through the living room on the way to the kitchen often prompted Fairsee to start a twenty-minute conversation. And poor Stan had to give up his beloved afternoon naps in the recliner.
In the evenings, our limited time to chill in front of the TV conflicted with Fairsee’s programming. Though we all tried, she didn’t like what we wanted to watch, and we didn’t care for her shows. Adding just one person to the family seemed to have shrunk our house.
Something had to change.
Then Stan set up a television complete with DVD player in his mom’s bedroom. I feared we were isolating her, but she was thrilled. She sat closer to the TV where she could see and hear better, watched whatever she wanted, and turned the sound as high as she pleased—within reason.
We had our living room back.
Compromise on both sides helps when integrating someone new into your household, but sometimes keeping everyone happy takes a little ingenuity, too. Don’t be afraid to abandon an idea if it doesn’t work and try something else. Sooner or later, you’ll hit on the right combination for all involved.
Living together may take a little work, but peace for everyone is the goal.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Romans 12:18 ESV
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
Wise words as always.
yic
Bill
Thank you, William!
“Living together may take a little work, but peace for everyone is the goal.” So true but so worth it.
Amen!
Sometimes we find compromise hard because we don’t want to hurt the feelings of our loved ones. But, sometimes compromise helps everyone. Thank you for this reminder. 🙂
That’s true,Melissa. Sometimes we have to be brave and speak up.
I know the challengers of caregiving especially for the hard of hearing. What a wonderful compromise for Fairsee and what a helpful benefit for you! I have seen your name and articles several times this month on the blog and in Angels Among Us! Always heartwarming Tracy. I sent the Angel Among Us article to Dr Burton also!
Thank you always for your support, Pam! I know Helen Keller said being deaf was more isolating than being blind, so I can understand the challenges both for you and the one you care/cared for. Blessings on you!