Sometimes our relationship with a loved one is like oil and water—they just don’t mix. Apart from a history of abuse, our personalities may simply clash enough that sparks fly whenever we’re together. That relationship doesn’t suddenly mend because we begin caregiving. In fact, close contact and the role reversals that often take place only intensify problems.

And heaven forbid we move in together!

What can you do to maintain sanity and keep peace in the house?

• Before reacting, find someone to vent your frustrations to, especially if it’s someone who helps you find the funny side of the situation. Many times, a change in perspective can make all the difference.
• Identify triggers and avoid them. Change the subject or walk away if you must.
• Get out for a while. Call a friend or relative to sit or hire someone if necessary. Many hospice programs provide respite care. Treat yourself to an hour, a day, or a week away. Different people and new scenery can give you a boost that makes your responsibility easier to bear.
• This might seem like a self-centered or even morbid approach, but think how you will feel when they’re gone. You’ll rest easier knowing you did all you could to mend relations or at least tried to make the day-to-day battle not such a battle.

There’s no shame in admitting our loved one is not such a loved one. Sometimes it’s them. Sometimes it’s us. But usually, it’s a combination. What’s important is what we do about it.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

~ Proverbs 15:1 ESV

Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.