Guest post by Jennifer Dodrill

Are you part of the sandwich generation? Dorothy Miller coined the term in 1981, realizing that middle-aged people were raising children and taking care of their parents. It’s a unique position.

You might be a “traditional” sandwich—adults who care for aging parents while raising their kids—or a “club” (what I am)—people in their 50s to 60s who have adult kids and grandkids as well as older parents for whom they care.

As part of this generation, I’ve found that my life is full of paperwork, doctor’s appointments, medication refills, complex decisions, and inconsiderate role reversals.

Why inconsiderate? Because I didn’t expect to be in this situation. And neither did my parents or children.

We cared for my mother-in-law in our home for the last two years of her life. Our youngest was a senior in high school, and we were anticipating being empty nesters. My MIL lived with us until she died in late 2020.

Then, in the summer of 2021, my dad went into hospice, and my siblings and I were there and very hands-on.

Now, it’s my mom’s turn. She lives in assisted living, but even with that, my siblings and I are involved. And we want to be. But as you know if you’re reading this, it’s complicated.

My husband and I have five adult children and three grandkids. To think that all of this doesn’t affect them is not true. Being part of the sandwich generation involves and affects everyone.

On the bright side, we—the sandwiches—learn more about our parents and in-laws than we ever knew. When we are children, our relationship with our parents is shrouded by our childhood perspective. Our understanding changes when we become caregivers.

If you find yourself in this sandwich situation, I can recommend several things that may help. First, involve the whole family whenever possible. Second, spread the wealth—ask for help. It’s hard to do but well worth it. Next, plan ahead. Have those tough conversations about advanced directives, wills, power of attorney, etc. Fourth, give yourself and your parent/in-law grace. Lots of it. And last, remember to laugh and enjoy your parents, in-laws, and children/grandchildren. Record old stories or jokes. Take a bunch of pictures. You’ll be glad you did.

As for me? I’m off to find our panini maker. My husband will be home soon, and he makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
Psalm 56:3-4a NIV

Jen Dodrill loves using her faith and passion for healthy families to write novels that encourage and inspire hope. A retired Navy wife, former homeschool mom, and mother of five, her favorite title is Grandma. Her first book, Birds Alive! An Empty-nesters Cozy Mystery is available now.

Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 24 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, produces a newsletter for writers, and does freelance editing. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.