It had been a rough year. My mom’s memory began deteriorating at an alarming rate. Then she lost the ability to walk and all but the rudiments of speech. We went from one doctor to another before we found the cause. She made an amazing turnaround following surgery but had to spend months in rehab recovering as much mobility as possible.
When Mom returned home, she still wasn’t able to care for herself or my dad, so I managed a multitude of sitters, took my parents to endless doctor appointments, and oversaw a thousand other details. By the time Christmas rolled around, I was exhausted.
“I don’t even feel like decorating this year,” I confessed to my daughter-in-law.
“Well . . . then don’t,” she said.
Oh.
You mean it’s that easy?
It wasn’t that I couldn’t find the time to drag things from the attic and put out all the tinsel and trimmings. I just didn’t want to. Now I had permission to forego that longstanding tradition.
As caregivers, we so often feel we have to keep all the balls in the air or we’ve failed. If we don’t decorate to a T, bake our usual Christmas goodies, participate in a myriad of church functions, cook a delectable meal, and buy the perfect gifts, then we’ve let down our families and friends. Holiday time is stressful enough. Add caregiving on top of it, and we are pushed to the limit. Something has to give.
So if you have to abandon a tradition or two (or three or four), it’s ok. The world won’t end. The important thing is spending time with the Savior who loves you and with those you love. And enjoying them. You can’t do that if you’re so worn out you can’t see straight.
If you don’t feel like decorating or cooking or visiting or whatever, then don’t.
Yes, it’s that easy.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed:
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 61:2 KJV
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
I SO agree!!!
Thank you, Tracy for this freeing post! This simple concept has the potential of bringing relief and joy to those of us to tend to overdo.
Thank you so very much! Randy Sams
Thank you, Tracy, for giving us permission to not do everything even if we are not caregiving. I’m still working on that! Have a blessed Christmas.
I loved this reminder. Each time that I am in a situation where I just Can’t feel up to something that I “always’ do or “everyone expects” me to do, I feel each of the feelings you described. Yet, I have Zero evidence to back up that anyone actually suffers when I Don’t do it!
Still, the pattern exists. Thanks for the reminder that most things we ‘don’t’ do won’t stop the world.
Thank you for writing this. The world of caregiving and this holiday season both bubble over with obligation and it is nice to have a reminder (and permission) let some of that go.
I have cut back on a few traditions. The world hasn’t come to an end, but I have felt better. However, I hang on to the ones that bring us the most joy and point visitors to Jesus.
Yes! Focusing on Him is the most important part of Christmas!