Guest post by Crystal Caudill
I recently read a meme that said:
Girls will be like I don’t know why I’m so unproductive recently, and then you ask what’s going on in their life and they list eight life-stopping crises and then say, “Yeah, but I should be fine.”
I don’t know about you, but as a caregiver, I felt seen. I’m currently in a season of intense caregiving for my mother-in-law on top of raising a teen boy, navigating the new relationship of being the mom of a young adult, house construction, and a husband who has his own health challenges. I daily have to choose among taking care of the house, walking, sleeping, writing, and more often than I’d like to admit—Bible study.
I don’t know about you, but it can be a daily struggle not to become bitter over the loss of my alone time.
This morning I told my husband in no uncertain terms that when I got home from running my mother-in-law to all her appointments (where she ended up with yet another doctor and set of therapy appointments to add to the schedule), I was going to bed. My body had hit a wall, and I needed sleep . . . which meant I had to give up writing time I desperately wanted.
When I got up, I snuck to my office with a snack, water, and my Bible . . . and God met me there. In Matthew 14, it hit me that in a way, Jesus was a caregiver to the crowds that followed Him and demanded all his attention, time, and compassion. He often chose to set aside His needs to meet their needs.
In verse 13, Jesus heard about the beheading of John, and He tried to withdraw for some alone time to process that. However, in verse 14, we see that when He saw the crowds waiting for Him, He had compassion upon them and set aside His alone time to heal them and later feed thousands from five loaves and two fish.
Jesus did what needed to be done for others. However, instead of getting in the boat with His disciples and pushing on to the next thing, He sent them on ahead and carved out some alone time.
I don’t know if it comforts you like it did me, but Jesus—God Himself, the Creator of time, who lived within the constraints of time—struggled to get it all done and still have alone time. I needed that message, and maybe you do too. It’s okay to struggle to get the alone time you need. To set aside your desires for a time to meet the needs of those you are responsible for.
But don’t set it aside forever.
Say no to something and find a way to carve out that time. Allow God to minister to your needs. Today for me, it was a short prayer and three hours of sleep in the middle of the day. Sometimes it’s sitting in my car for thirty minutes or less just breathing and praying.
What will that alone time be for you? How will you carve it out? I’m praying for you, fellow caregiver. This is a hard season, but what a blessing to know we walk in the footsteps of Jesus, the ultimate caregiver, showing love and compassion to someone who needs it.
After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.
When evening came, He was there alone.
Matthew 4:23 (HCSB)
Crystal Caudill is the author of “dangerously good historical romance,” with her work garnering awards from Romance Writers of America and ACFW. Her debut novel, Counterfeit Love, was a 2023 Carol Award finalist. She is a stay-at-home mom and caregiver, and when she isn’t writing, Crystal can be found playing board games with her family, drinking hot tea, or reading other great books at her home outside Cincinnati, Ohio. Find out more at crystalcaudill.com.
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
Such a great — and needed — message, Crystal. Thank you!
I agree, Cheryl. We feel guilty that we need that time, but it’s a real need.
I’m glad that you found it beneficial. It’s such a hard balance.
Crystal, you nailed a daily difficulty for almost all caregivers. Finding the right balance can be like walking a tightrope. How do we nourish our bodies and souls and still manage the responsibilities hanging over our heads? Every two weeks, I have someone stay with my husband while I visit my brother who lives with a caregiver about an hour and a half from our home. I cherish that time alone in the car. I sing, pray, admire the scenery, and relax. What a treasure!
I admire you, Diana. You’re going from caring for one loved one to care for another, yet you see it as a respite. We all have our own ways of meeting this need.
Hugs. That is a lot. And it is a difficult balance. I am so glad you find that alone time in the car. It’s so important.
I love these words. I love these honest and vulnerable words that remind me I am not doing this alone, even though many days I feel like I am. Thank you for this post. It was exactly what I needed to hear today.
Caregiving can be so isolating, Shannon. Crystal’s words let us know we’re in this together.
Hugs. I feel you so much. I am so glad for Tracy’s blog so that I constantly get reminded that I am not alone.
Thank you for your wonderful article, Crystal. Finding time alone is one of the biggest struggles for caregivers.
It is, but I love how Jesus showed that it’s still important that we make space for it. I’m really going to have to remember that love the next few weeks of my MIL’s recovery.
Yes, it is!