“Mr. Kirk, we’re painting birdhouses today. Would you like to join us?”
“No.”
More than once, the staff at the assisted living center where my dad spent the last two years of his life told me they thought he was depressed. He refused to participate in exercise class, join them for crafts, or attend many of their social events. Surely his lack of interest signaled a problem, they reasoned.
They were wrong.
Dad was blunt. Sometimes downright cranky. So how did I know his refusal to participate in everything the center had to offer didn’t indicate depression?
Dad still read his newspaper every day as he had for sixty-plus years. He watched movies, played games on his tablet, and avidly followed his favorite basketball team. For a spell, he checked out a surprising variety of books from the center’s library and read them all. Dad was the first in line to hop the van going to Walmart and went to the dining room for all meals without encouragement. When I could attend social events with him, he gladly joined me for firework displays and ice cream suppers.
Dad thought the exercise class was silly and the crafts juvenile. A skilled wood carver for decades, he had no desire to slap paint on a prefab birdhouse. Dad had always been sedentary and solitary, and he did what he wanted to do.
I’ll be the first to agree that depression is a significant problem among the elderly. Major life changes and loss all too often cause imbalances in neurotransmitters that trigger hopelessness and despair. But not every elderly person is depressed. And not every elderly person needs antidepressants.
You know your loved ones better than anyone else. Advocate for them when they need intervention. And advocate for them when they don’t.
But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. ~Psalm 3:3 NIV
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in the award-winning Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
Thanks for this advise.
You’re welcome, Joy.
This is such a great post. We tend to lump all seniors into the same category, and too often their individuality is lost. Thanks for reminding us that dignity is too easily lost when we stereotype all elderly people as having the same wants and needs.
Thank you, Rhonda. You’re right. We’re all individuals with different preferences.
My dad couldn’t hear so he wouldn’t talk on the phone. My mother had to be the communicator. People thought he didn’t enjoy social gatherings because he couldn’t hear. But, he did enjoy being in social situations. He loved being with family and friends whether he knew what was going on or not. Occasionally someone would go talk with him face-to-face. He could understand if they faced him so he could read lips. His friends knew how to handle it.
We just can’t make assumptions, can we?
Wise words, Tracy. My dad loved woodworking as well. He set two post-retirement goals: to grow a first-class orchard and to develop his woodworking skills. He accomplished both.
Sorry I didn’t see this earlier, Diana. Those are great goals. I think men enjoy working with wood.
Yes, depression is found among many of the elderly. We must advocate for our loved ones. We can notice changes and needs that they may not notice. Thank you for sharing this message.
Yes, Melissa, it’s so important to stay alert for changes. Thank you!
Excellent advice, Tracy!
Thank you, Karen!