Guest post by E.V. Sparrow
Walking outdoors is Mama’s chief love. I encouraged the treadmill idea, but she refused. Her trash collecting mission gets her outside in the green and blue. She is an original environmental protector at eighty-eight years old. Alzheimer’s hasn’t erased her love for nature.
Out on a mission one day, Mama fell into the concrete gutter. Headfirst.
A couple driving past saw her and stopped. They helped her up and offered to drive her home. Mama said no. Our address and my phone number are inside her walker but went unnoticed by them and forgotten by Mama.
Mama arrived home with a bump on her head. She said she didn’t see any stars or pass out, just felt stupid. Well, I was relieved but upset.
We related the incident to her doctor’s office. No damage, except a lump on her forehead. They instructed no more reaching and trash collecting for my eighty-eight-year-old mama. She is also supposed to walk only twenty minutes instead of one hour. I’m concerned with her safety, but does she understand? She’s becoming more childlike.
I took away her beloved trash collecting mission and hid her metal “reacher.” Still, Mama tried to sneak the garbage bags out. Today, I found her with one at our front door. She pouted and stamped her foot when I said, “No, no, no. No more. Just look up instead of down. You won’t see the trash, but you won’t fall.” Mom was mostly joking when she had her tantrum.
It’s uncomfortable being Mama’s mom. I must get a GPS tracker, but she can’t see well enough to use a cell phone and is overwhelmed with electronics. A Bay Alarm pendant will satisfy us both.
Being a caregiver to an adult can be frustrating, but what attitude does God want us to have?
But You, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. ~Psalm 86:15 (NIV)
Writer E.V. Sparrow served on mission trips, with a worship team, and as a prayer ministry leader. She volunteered with Global Media Outreach and at Serna Village Housing for homeless parents and led small groups in singles and divorce care ministries. Sparrow’s published stories guide readers to encounter God’s unexpected presence.
Tracy Crump dispenses hope in her award-winning book, Health, Healing, and Wholeness: Devotions of Hope in the Midst of Illness (CrossLink Publishing, 2021). A former intensive care nurse, she cared for her parents and her mother-in-law and understands both the burdens and joys of caregiving. Her devotions have been featured in Guideposts books, The Upper Room, and many other publications, and she has contributed 22 stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. She also conducts writing workshops, freelance edits, and proofreads for Farmers’ Almanac. But her most important job is Grandma to five completely unspoiled grandchildren.
All of these comments help me. It is so hard to watch your go through this sickness.
It is so sad to see our loved ones decline, Juanita. My heart goes out to you, and my prayers are with you.
Setting limits is so hard. Yet sometimes it must be done. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, it does! Thank you for commenting, Diana.
I agree. Personality types make a huge difference in rule following or challenging. Yikes! 🙂
Wonderful scripture for those of us in caregiving seasons. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for reading, Cheryl! Caregiving is so challenging.
Thank you. When I think of how much God is patient and deals with me, it compels me to do my best with His strength.
Safety is such a struggle. We want our elders to be safe—of course we do! But sometimes the cost of safety is high. If the cost encroaches on quality of life, it’s a difficult balancing act. I’m not in your shoes and don’t presume to totally understand. But would a compromise be possible? “You can walk these 2-3 days a week and I (or someone else) will go with you.” Or, “you can walk with me for 20 minutes a day rather than an hour.” It seems like her walking/garbage collecting brings purpose, and maybe there’s a modified way to make that happen.
So true, Ann. Compromise is essential in peaceful caregiving. This is not my story, but I don’t believe they stopped her from walking, just took away the device that caused her to look down instead of where she was going. Sometimes its so hard to make those decisions needed to keep our loved ones safe.
Excellent observations! We eventually promised walks in a wheelchair after we convinced her she wasn’t safe with a walker. When we told her she could be out longer, she agreed. Compromise often works. 🙂 God bless.
Lovely post relatable to so many people who find themselves in the uncomfortable position of being their mama’s mama. Thank you for sharing it.
Great way to put it, Lori! Role reversal is never easy.
I am relieved to hear this. Because she fell, I was afraid to share in fear of judgement. But if someone is a caregiver, they understand how difficult it is to monitor other adults, right? Thank you for your reassurance. God’s grace to you.